OnlinePickUpArtist

We’ll call this one Sarah.  So about two months ago, I “winked” at a girl on Match.com who had checked out my profile.  She lived in San Diego, which is outside of my preferred dating distance, as it’s 150 miles or so from where I live in L.A.  She was very attractive, and seemed to have tons in common with me from her profile. She wrote back quickly, asking me why I had to wink and couldn’t come up with something funny/clever to say.  Now, from the annals of Pick Up Artistry, I could tell that attraction was already present.  She liked what she saw or read, and was pushing me to say more.  By only winking, and not writing some overdone email, I was showing that I didn’t care too much if it went further, which shows un-neediness.  Being needy is a sure way to go nowhere with a quality women.  Nevertheless, a funny couple of lines can catch the attention of girl who may have not have liked what she initially saw, if she even looked at your profile. 

I wrote her something back that was funny, and the banter began.  After about two weeks of this, and about five rounds of emails, we exchanged numbers and I sent her a funny text.  The text banter went on for about a day before I called her.  Earlier in the day that I called her, I let her know that I was going to call her, so she was prepared for it, which usually increases the probability of her answering.  We talked for about thirty minutes, and it went really well.  I will put a disclaimer out now:  The Master Pick Up Artists recommend keeping phone conversations to a bare minimum, as in under five minutes.  In theory, this makes sense, as you can easily F up if you suck.  I do suck when I’m not comfortable, but I was actually comfortable right away, probably because our interactions thus far showed we had a lot in common.  Also, our distance made things different.  If I lived closer, we would have met much faster, but I think we both wanted to make sure that if we met in between L.A. and S.D., it would be worth it. 

Four days after we started talking on the phone, I drove up to San Francisco to visit family and friends.  The night I got there, I talked on the phone with Sarah for the third time.  By now, we were talking for two hours at a time.  We were talking about things sexual, intimate, fun, blah blah blah.  But in this conversation, she also said that she, on a whim, decided to move to San Francisco because her BFF needed a roommate and she always saw herself settling down there.  Also, she was going to move in two weeks.  So now, things were more complicated.  We decided that we would meet up the next weekend, five days from then. 

I got back to L.A. two days later, after spending two nights camping ALONE in the forest just outside of Yosemite (gratuitous plug;).  Of course I let her know this alpha detail, which I believe she liked, as she then told me she wanted to come next time.  We were talking two days before we were to meet, and the conversation was verging on the stale side.  I don’t think anything bad was said, but it wasn’t as stimulating as usual, which may have been because she was very tired from work and some guy friend of her brother’s talking her ear off right before.  Or it may have been that talking on the phone can only go so far.  We hung up after a half hour and in the conversation we discussed meeting in San Diego, which was at my suggestion because I love S.D., and wanted to see friends from college and eat foods that I can’t get in L.A.  Well, this may have been my first BIG mistake (having long conversations was definitely a mistake). 

The ball was now in her court.  It was no longer even, I was doing more than she was.  Also, and this was definitely a big one, I told her I would get a hotel room because she was staying with her brother until she moved to SF.  This was another problem because now I had committed to spending excesses of money without even being sure we would like each other.  This shows neediness, or desperation.  If I may defend myself, I would call it naiveté, as I assumed that we would both be sleeping there because of all of the sexual banter and openness we had going. 

So the day before, I sent her a semi lame text at about 6PM, saying something like, “Hello?  Hope your day went well.”  I wasn’t thinking when I sent it, but it was not like the high impact texts I had been sending before.  So if she had any doubts going, this didn’t ease them, or bring her back into the state of excitement and happiness that I may have been able to bring her into before.  Her response to my text?  Umm, well, there was none. 

The next morning, Friday, the day I was supposed to be going down, came, and no word from her.  At about 1130AM I texted her asking what was up, and if I should come down?  Well, surprise, surprise, no response.  Now, have you ever felt like a tool?  Because I sure did this day. 

The joys of dealing with new women is that they won’t tell you what you did to mess it up, they just go ghost.  Also, there can be a million reasons why they go ghost.  It can be because of something you did, or something totally unrelated to you.  They may have met someone before you and it just got serious…or maybe they just decided that the seersucker you’re wearing in one of your photos just wasn’t retro enough for them or your comment about her looking fatter in one picture than another didn't please her that much. My great excuse here is that she was moving too far away.  We both had said that L.A. to S.D. isn’t ideal, but it could be done, and then she up and had to move to S.F.  After she didn’t respond, at around 7PM I texted her telling her that it was cool if she wasn’t interested, but if she could just text me to let me know she wasn’t dead.  Duh, no response. 

So the next day I checked and saw that she had been on Match.com.   Knowing that not only was she alive and well, but that she was already looking for another dude, I then sent her a pretty scathing email.  In truth, what she had done was pretty shady.  If she didn’t want to meet up with me, she could have just sent an email saying so, or saying that the long distance thing would be too hard on her, even if that wasn’t true.  So not only did she flake, but she left me with a hotel bill that I couldn’t get a refund on because it was through Priceline.com.  I even tried to say that a relative had passed away, but they told me they needed a funeral home phone number and name of the deceased.  I should have given my buddies number. 

Anyway, should I have sent her the email?  Well, that I think is up to the individual.  In truth, I shouldn’t have put myself in a situation to want to send an email like that.  A Master Pick Up Artist never chases girls or reacts in anger or with emotion because they know that if it doesn’t work out with this girl, he has several others in his stable.  While I didn’t cut off communications with other girls online, I was still thinking it was headed somewhere with this one.  Big mistake.  A good lesson was learned from it, which is not to project into the future, causing one to get ones hopes up for something before more concrete bonds are created.  And when I say “more concrete,” I mean like months into it (see the next episode, The Two Week Match Girlfriend, for reasons why two weeks, sex, and marriage talk doesn’t mean anything.)  All in all, I learned great lessons from this, and I hope you have too.  The fastest way to learn is through the mistakes of others, so learn jedis, learn!